1st Leadership Co.Llab learning and insights

After a brief introduction to set ground rules at the June Co.Llab  a dozen people came together specifically to explore the question "What leadership risk I'm not taking?"

A number of provocative challenges are shared within the group:

• “Risk means balancing between fear and courage, I went out of balance and  that’s why I’m here today.”
• “I struggle to manage my multiple identities: father, husband, employer and biker.”
• “I spend every day taking care of my grandchildren and I’m not sure who’s leading whom.”
• “I’m getting married this weekend and wonder how it will affect my identity.”
• “At the moment my life is in transition and I realize that I don’t want to have to push to make      change happen anymore.”
• "I’m at a crossroads and have lots of ideas about what’s next – the most difficult thing with this is the freedom to make the right choice.”

As the facilitator, I'm very conscious of navigating the tension between time and conversation – mindful of those who become frustrated by the exploration period of the discussion and jump to finding “solutions”.

We wrestle the diversity of issues down to three key topics and three groups who want to dive into them.
1. How do I Balance the tension between courage, fear and energy?
2. How do I exercise leadership by letting-go?
3. What drives my creative discovery and curiosity?

We all pick up on a sense of excitement, anticipation and inspiration unfolding.  ...I’m relieved to see my trusty assistant arrive exactly on cue pushing a trolley brimming with fresh nibbles and drinks. The next 45 minutes bubble with to-ing and fro-ing between working through ideas in various parts of the museum (munching sun kissed cherries, hummus dipped pita, cheese and nuts) discussion, collaboration and keys to new questions.

The learning each group propose surprise, enlighten and inspire us all:
----------

• Leadership is about knowing the boundaries of resilience and courage - it’s a fluid state of holding the equilibrium within the tension.
• Improvisation or  learning through living and giving of one’s self, is an expression of leadership.
• Moving away from the wanting mindset into a being one – means no longer “pushing” to make change happen.

Finding meaning
----------
After the hearty good-bye’s and well wishes, I’m left to muse over the 1st pilot Co.Llab.  Finding common threads to create meaning was one of my expectations, all participants came into the Co.Llab with their own understanding of Leadership.  Perception is very personal, as each individuals expression of being relates to our identity, context and environment.  

During the Co.Llab each person was able to test their own ability to open to uncertainty, listen to and trust each other through dialogue and conversation. This expression is what makes Co.Llabs such unique spaces for learning and breakthrough thinking.

The more we practice, experience and test our understanding and embodiment of leadership, the greater the depth we create in our identity and its expression.
Work-in-progress takes on new meaning.

A Leaders journey, from Dodo birds to explosive condoms - The Challenge of participation and decision making in teams

Learning has changed! As a university student I remember spending the majority of my time listening, reading and writing. All very passive, sedentary activities. Today as a teacher, if I use these same methods I have a group of students who sit glassy eyed in class snapping the occasional picture of the notes and diagrams I put on the whiteboard.  The Millennials are a different breed, they’ve grown up with technology, are hyper connected and their engagement and motivation is contingent upon continuous real-time in situ (on-the-job, in class) interaction. Knowing how these characteristics are challenging the way organizations operate, I was keen to see whether the same would be true in class.

Knowing that students are obliged to attend all classes as part of their Master’s program, four hours of pure lecture on a Monday morning is the equivalent of being held captive and inflicting punishment.  Not a good plan…. As a facilitator, I step away from the traditional “Professor” role and into one that considers the student takes responsibility for their learning.  I design each class with the purpose of engaging and challenging their thinking around specific learning objectives.  This is done in a variety of ways using techniques for creative teaching to encourage interaction, peer-to-peer thinking, creativity, individual reflection and learning.  Case studies, discussions, role-plays and simulations are used to highlight the context and the environment for each specific learning topic.

Recently I worked with a colleague to design a collaborative challenge to develop students thinking and leadership awareness skills, when working in teams. The pre-class assignment asked them each to assess when they were at their best, or worst in a team situation. Based on feedback groups were formed around two of the most prevalent themes; difficulty with decision making and lack of participation in a team.  Over the course of the next 70 minutes the teams needed to work together creating a piece of art that portrayed

1. What exactly make these situations challenging, and
2. Be able to clearly explain their painting, in a story.

The challenge was broken into 6 segments – brainstorming, design, prototyping, creation, storytelling and debriefing.

One team attributed the challenge of participation in a team to time constraints, diversion, lack of focus and waning communication abilities. Another team portrayed the same challenge with a completely different perspective explaining that one person usually has the best ideas and that they need to convince the others who lack ideas, what they are missing. The third team explored difficulties with decision making in teams, explaining that good ideas need to be cultivated and supported by the right people at the right time, otherwise the ideas fragment and disperse.

True to character, involving them in a learning activity that peaked their curiosity, guaranteed motivation. Engagement was at an all-time high and each teams’ outcome was spectacular! Their ideas were rich and they were able to use complex metaphors which they related to their challenge. The spectrum was vast– from dodo birds, to bursting condoms, blinding darkness and rainbow light bulbs.

Once the team challenge was completed and their stories shared, students received a take home questionnaire that required they reflect individually on their interaction throughout the process. The time they take to think through their answers will help them deepen their understanding and awareness of themselves. Learning and reflection is essential in their personal development and a key characteristic to becoming a future leader.

Nadene Canning, BSL Professor

Posted on November 14, 2014  on BSL blog 

Living and Learning Our Power

This morning while reflecting on how best to discuss the topic of power, this quote appeared on my tweet feed: “Learning too soon our limitations, we never learn our powers. ~ Mignon McLaughlin  

Intrigued, I immediately ran a search on Mignon McLaughlin - About 287,000 results appeared in a quarter of a second – She was an American journalist and author – born June 6, 1913, in Baltimore, Maryland. Over a century later, her words still ring true. 

As a facilitator and coach, this question occupies a lot of attention. When we get "stuck" and want insight,  I always ask the question: What are you doing today to learn about your power in order to improve your performance?

From these "stuck" conversations came a 60 minute workshop on “Abuse of Power in the workplace” that I developed and facilitated together with a colleague, for two consecutive years at the WIN Conference . 

At the conference, each participant had a story, each was looking to understand. To retain power we each need to understand these FOUR essential behaviors and attitudes.

1.  Turn self-doubt into intention

Doubting yourself or feeling sorry for yourself is one way to abuse your own power and weaken yourself. If you abuse your power to create self-doubt then you’ll be even more confused when you look to the external world for answers. The next time you catch yourself thinking, or believing, “I don’t know what to do,” let that thought go! Push that thought right out of your head.
Remember You are a naturally creative being – It makes no sense to turn your creative energies into self-destruction – LEARN how to use your power to create certainty.  Accept that uncertainty is a part of life; if you want certainty then you have to create it for yourself. You need to trust that deep down you do know what to do – pay attention to this clarity.

 2.  Face your fear

Use your power to face your fear. Courage can be defined as the willingness to face your fears. Stop spending your energy on what you don’t want and put your energy into what you do want. This energy will build into a motivation - a positive way to take action and turn your desire into your reality. Spend time imagining what you really want, use your power to  create what you want.

     

3.  It's not about Right and Wrong

Defending your point of view is not a good use of your power – each person has the freedom to choose their perspective. Don’t pour your energy into arguing right and wrong, ask yourself whether you can accept the others persons point of view and live with the consequences.

4.  Decide what’s best for you and move on it

Use your energy to plot your path clearly and then let your actions follow your intentions. Don’t ask permission. If someone else has an issue with your decisions, let the issue be theirs to worry about.

Accept what you have to deal with and focus the direction of your energy in a positive way.

Culture - A gift of sharing

To me, culture is a word of wonder because it opens windows to fresh perspectives and rich lifestyles. In our daily lives we navigate a multitude of cultures - from our home and family environment, to the professional organization we work it, our academic affiliations, interest groups and the list goes on. Our adherence to a certain number of common values and beliefs within each of these different groups creates a sense of sameness and in this way we share a common culture.

Recently I was one of ten participants that had the privilege to take part in the Acumen Leadership Essentials course. At the outset, the only visible thing we shared in common was the fact that we all live in Geneva. 

Some members of the Acumen Leadership Essentials Group, Geneva 04 2013

Over the next six weeks, we came together weekly to discuss specific issues related to global development, aid, social entrepreneurship and leadership. During these 2 hour discussions we learned from and about, each other’s perspectives. By sharing our experience and heritage we could sense how each one of us had crafted our perspective by weaving our faraway roots into our real-time aspirations.

At our second meeting the homework assigned related to a real case study about a health care start-up in India that would provide free ambulance service. 
Based on the four criteria below, we were asked to assess and explain whether or not to invest in the new venture:

1. Whether there was strong leadership; do they have the required expertise and are the creators truly committed
2. Whether the investment will truly make a difference to the low income community
3. Will the business be able to become financially sustainable
4. Will the business be able to scale on its own

We watched a video regarding the startup and had numerous questions assigned to us for discussion to help us understand the issues and take a decision regarding whether or not to invest.
On this particular evening seven people, (three men and four women), from six countries (Canada, Greece, Ivory Coast, Singapore, Russia, USA) attended the meeting. What was really very interesting to observe after all the discussion, questions and information had been exchanged was that the men chose not to invest and the women chose to invest, in the start up. The women all agreed that the social impact of such an investment would be huge, and were willing to mitigate the risk, while the men felt that the risk was too great for the estimated potential return.

I came away from the evening with numerous insights:

1. From a cultural perspective, each sex came together around their social identity (in this case gender and generation) their shared beliefs and the perceived "value" that emergency medical assistance would provide.
2. Culture is complex - ever changing it morphs depending upon a specific context and environment.
3. Culture is “practiced” best by cultivating affinity and seeking to understand differences from a non-judgmental perspective.

On this specific occasion our decision reflected our social identity, on other occasions the entire group has agreed to taking the same decision based on a larger set of shared values. The richness of this cross-cultural exchange has undoubtedly helped each of us to listen, to remain open to other peoples opinions, to value what differences bring to the discussion and above all a sense of appreciation and gratitude towards each other.






Originally published in IWM May/June 2013 pgs. 30-1 Culture issue  http://bit.ly/12O77d8

AllSystemsGo! wordcloud wonder

Learning to lead

This year I’ve had the pleasure to help create the Spring semester’s learning module for a new Master level course on leadership, and have designed two assignments, as well as the reading and resource materials to support them.

It’s always exciting to explore new learning environments and especially to have the chance be with young adults. As the mother of two extraordinary young adults, I adore the way their minds surf a multitude of issues simultaneously and effortlessly in Technicolor yet slip quickly into black or white when processing under duress.

The first assignment has recently been completed with a paper and presentation that compares different forms of leadership and the teacher is pleased with the results exhibited in student motivation, expression and thought. Midway through the semester I got involved to facilitate 90 minute hands on experiential session with over 55 Masters students, from 21 countries. Engineering, Architecture and IT students all looking for concrete, logical answers to accomplish their tasks.

Before starting their exercise, each team received a sheet of instructions concerning the task at hand, and 10 minutes to define how they would accomplish it.
During that time, this is what happened within the majority of the 9 teams:

- Immediately all students got very involved in accomplishing the task,
- Instructions and indicators on what, when, why and how, were completely ignored
- Their primary focus was to finish first, and completing the task was their only focus
- External criteria that affected their output and focus: Stress, time and “winning”
- No Leader chosen

From a leadership perspective, the exercise was designed to be experiential and provide insight and learning around what happens to each of them individually and collectively when given; a task, a team, a clear set of instructions. What types of behaviors do they display? Are they able to speak their mind? Listen to others? Participate, innovate and collaborate?

Here’s what happened: Two of the nine groups took the allocated time to discuss and organize their team, choose people to take the lead, decide on a process. Only when these elements were agreed upon within the team, did they begin to brainstorm on how they would accomplish the actual task.

The majority of the other seven groups chose NOT to have a leader, because the term itself created disdain. When a leader was nominated it was done only because the group perceived a specific person possessed the relevant hard skill set, in relation to the task at hand.
The majority of students were relatively disconcerted by
- The fact that the exercise was not a competition
- There was not a “winner” or a “looser”
- The fact that the exercise was not about speed

They were literally surprised to hear they had spent their time to gain personal awareness and insight about themselves, as leaders.

Their understanding of leadership until that point related only to function and hierarchy- to someone in a specific hierarchical function, the function gives the person “the power” to assert leadership.

They left with new perspective and insight on leadership
- as an individual quality that they can develop by expressing themselves, listening, daring, caring and sharing,
- as an integral part of the process when working together on the completion of a task,
- is a personal experiential dynamic iterative process.

I hope they choose to build the confidence and self-awareness required to detach from the black and white vision and experiment with the Technicolor that exists within them, as a leader.

Let the change BEgin!

Day 4 of a 10 day course on Leadership – or on How to come into BEing your authentic self, step up as a person, BE a Human BEing. Collectively and individually daring to lift off the lid, look inside, ponder, practice, feel, learn, observe, integrate over and over again. Iteration brings a new appreciation of our ever more awakened self. The group offers the lens of collective perception; peer to peer feedback is an effective means to see ourselves from different angles, a prism providing insight and pushing us to open ourselves.

Starlog – To date, 32 hours of wondering through a labyrinth, daring to jump through flaming hoops, gazing into the petri dish of life and undressing our emotional self in this new age nudist camp - are some of the metaphors that spring to mind to explain the theoretical and practical activities and exercises over the past 4 days - Experiential learning at its finest. So far I have chosen my animal totem…or it has chosen me. I represent Vitality, I read that I have laid the foundation to greatness, all preliminary work is complete, it’s all going to happen, I will reap the harvest. I can sit back, BE confident.

Second personal sound bite of the day, wonder struck, I realize after completing one of the cringe worthy exercises, that one of my core values is change, I need it, in everything.
I’m surprised!?... Why? This is what I do for a living?
Because, repeatedly I witness each one of us experiencing our “Ah-ha” moment, when a chunk of wisdom materializes and offers guidance with astounding clarity around our uniqueness, illuminating our mind and empowering our potential to BE. So astounding is this revelation to self, it may be blinding. Our inability to see and accept the insight is our blind spot to greater personal awareness and leadership. Is it a question of timing? A hearing disability? While we profess to hear that which is being suggested, we are completely convinced of our own idea of self, the taste and smell of these new ideas seem too foreign, they shake up the order of things, so instead of embracing and opening a space to the new, we resist, over rationalize, deny, waffle or ignore… and the insight blows right by.

What are the conditions that enable our ability to learn - when it comes to seeing ourselves? Time and again I hear people say they are willing and able. I think of the saying – You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink – Why do we resist quenching our thirst? We squirm when we hear truth, deny, make excuses, wriggle a little more, rationalize, and refuse to integrate newness. Yet we know that we suffer from the consequences of the behavior that creates the circle of repeated choices that brought us here in the first place. Oozy, creepy, queasy, sticky, fluttery weirdness displayed in Nano body language signals- eyes averted, fluttering lids, head nodding in the opposite direction of the words being spoken, sighs, dry mouth sounds, long pauses, creased foreheads and way to many deep breaths.

So we go through another exercise and another and the issues being avoided keep coming up in a variety of shapes and shades, iteration until we face them, until we create the space to embrace them, only then can we begin to learn. Only then will our layers of coping behaviors fall away like velvet rose petals, with delicate discernment. Let the change begin!  

I look forward to Six more thoroughly challenging days with my fellow groupies and guides.

Nadene Canning        https://twitter.com/#!/Madnadness

Elation and anxiety

I've been very quiet for a long while, Zilch, neit, le néant... so it would seem.
I've been very busy all the same, writing, to communicate stories about projects that nurture, support and create social, political and economic change, capture successes and foster learning.
The lion share of time I devoted to write a book that a publisher patiently awaited.

I stopped counting the hours devoted to thinking, writing, rereading, rewriting in the quest for clarity. Clarity for the reader about ideas and practice - sharing experience will facilitate adoption, multiply know and create change. That's my theory, I've seen change happen, its expands space and time. That magic was what maintained my motivation to finish the book. I've seen it stall many times too - for lack of conviction, time, courage, desire, discipline.
Creating change is not always easy it can rub the wrong way, especially if its trying to replace a habit that's entrenched in a mindset....mindset is one of the keys.

Yesterday the publisher received the final manuscript, all ideas and practice represented by 150000 signs will be packaged into a book that will see the light of day this summer...elation and anxiety. I can live with the dichotomy, its actually become a relatively familiar fluttery state, that has the merit of keeping me from slipping into cruise control.

Ayez du nez dans la négociation - n'ayez pas peur!

Arrivée en Suisse je me suis trouvée un travail au bout de trois mois dans une PME. D’après ce que je connaissais au Canada le salaire qui m’a été proposé ici me paraissait colossal. Environs une année après mon engagement, une de mes collègues m’a informé, avec un certain mépris que la seule raison pour laquelle je fus engagée était parce que je coûtais moins cher à l’entreprise que les autres prétendants au poste.

Rapidement j’ai décidé qu’il fallait mettre en place une stratégie pour rectifier la situation :

Munis de mon carnet, je notais chaque fois que j’apportais une contribution financière à l’entreprise au dessous des objectifs fixés. Par exemple ;
Dès que je trouvais des solutions pour réduire les coûts liés à la production et au frais fixes je le notais.
Dans la même optique, chaque fois que j’apportais une nouvelle idée/initiative que je menais à terme, elle se retrouvait inscrite dans mes papiers.
Que je démontrais une augmentation de recettes et de bénéfices liée aux stratégies de performance mis en place avec mon équipe, je le notais.

Pendant les 5 ans qui ont suivis, j’ai été promue trois fois et j’ai réussit à renégocier une augmentation de mon salaire, à chaque fois. La négociation dont j’étais la plus fière est celle d’avoir réussi à mettre en place un bonus pour les membres de mon équipe, en fonction de leurs performances.

A la fin de mon engagement j’étais responsable du développement et de l’acquisition mondiale pour plus de 1'000 ouvrages et produits dérivés – j’ai pu tester de multiples stratégies pour peaufiner la négociation !

Dans mon rôle de consultante, ainsi qu’avec mon engagement en tant que Directrice exécutif au Bureau Information Femmes et fondatrice de VIA2, j’ai souvent été sollicitée pour apporter des conseils liés aux stratégies de croissance et planification de carrière. Inévitablement une fois les objectifs mis en place et la stratégie élaborée, la discussion se concentrait sur le « comment ». Comment le mener à bien ?. . . . Ainsi commence l’art de la négociation.

Quelques règles et pistes à suivre concernant la négociation salariale :
- Renseignez vous auprès de l’association professionnelle qui représente votre corps de métier, des syndicats ou des différents sites internet pour disposer d’information pertinente concernant les barèmes salariaux applicables dans votre domaine.
- N’ayez pas d’état d’âme, soyez lucide face à vos compétences, vos accomplissements, votre savoir-faire et les faire-valoir.
- Parlez clairement, avec calme et assurance de ce que vous désirez.
- Regardez votre interlocuteur droit dans les yeux (si la culture le permet*).
- Préparez votre discours (vos accomplissements, rapportez les faits) et entrainez vous devant un miroir, sur vidéo ou avec une tierce personne.
- Ayez de la persévérance et une bonne disposition d’esprit afin de faire aboutir la négociation.
- Fixez des dates d’échéance pour atteindre vos objectifs tout en restant ouvert à saisir les occasions.
- Restez visible, soyez présent au bureau, lors des réunions prenez la parole, serrez les mains et discutez avec vos paires lors de rencontres professionnelles.
- Trouvez un mentor qui a du pouvoir (pouvoir = position, influence, réseaux).
- Cultivez des alliés dans votre entourage (entreprises, clients et fournisseurs).
- Vos adversaires sont une ressource, savoir se mettre à la place de l’autre est essentiel.

Rappelez-vous que notre comportement et influencé par l’environnement et le contexte dans lequel vous vous trouvez. Ce sont ces deux facteurs qui rendent chaque situation unique.
Vous pouvez agir dans la négociation pour faire valoir vos idées, vos envies, vos besoins et vos conditions. Il est illusoire de penser que tout est maîtrisable dans la négociation. Elle consiste avant tout en un débat, un échange et un processus en soi qui mène à une solution. Solution qui doit satisfaire chaque parti.

You're gonna loose that girl

On the road last night and the mobile rings

“What” I say surprised “He did what?”

My girlfriend has just arrived home and unfortunately she was running a little behind schedule.

A quarter of an hour, to be exact.

She rings because she’s scared. She knows I know why, and that’s why she can ring me.

It's about one of those sticky, ugly family issues that causes long-term damage.

That quarter of an hour, made her "late".

This time, its time that is the issue that needs to be controlled.

She has just had a verbal thrashing, something that she is accustomed to and has survived by building and rebuilding emotional walls to shut out the pain and the growing sense of humiliation. Except this time it’s different, this time she sensed the thrashing almost crossed the ever so thin line from verbal abuse to physical abuse.

She’s in her room , whispering …a desperate whimper and I can only catch every other word since I’m driving at 7pm on a very busy motorway with 2 people in the car…Must leave, can’t stay, too scared, no more.

Since my extra set of emergency house keys have gone walkabout, I tell her to visit a friend and promise I’ll pick her up in 3 hours on my way home. My voice is full of assurances to give her the courage to do what she feels compelled to do, ESCAPE. She sneaks out of the house to find temporary relief from the violence.

I hang up the phone and realise that there is a heavy silence in the car. Not quite what I’d planned, but hey this is part of life too and it’s happening right here and now …nobody would plan this anyway, its part of all the unpredictable real live stuff that happens daily all over the world when people interact and fear and power overtake our emotions.

Dinner with friends is so warm, friendly and fun. Lots of laughs, one of our best mates is leaving this week for 8 months around the world. He’s pulling the plug on “civilized” Switzerland to get some other sort of living experience in India, Nepal, Burma, Thailand and Argentina.

Teary happy good-bye hugs and Skype promises and I’m again behind the wheel driving back.

Now my two passengers are boosted by the loving kindness we experienced over dinner and actively begin planning the rest of the evening’s actions far beyond the distressed friend’s pick-up. They project into the relationship, what’s right, what’s wrong and on and on and on.

We are all in the car now, we drive for a bit but there’s too much fear swirling about inside the car. I pull over and we sit, roll down the windows to admire the reflection of the lights of church spire on the cloudy sky, smoke and talk.

Mobile phone rings and I listen to Mr VerbalAbuse express with increasing volume how much he does not appreciate my getting involved.

No shit Sherlock, the cats out of the bag – your turn to squirm.

Hang up, smoke some more and let time work its magic.

30 minutes go by and I get my first giggle.

We all know that something has changed forever tonight.

You’re gonna loose that girl drifts into my brains boombox.

Nic Marks: The Happy Planet Index | Video on TED.com

Nic Marks: The Happy Planet Index | Video on TED.com

FIVE things that boost our well-being

1. Connect
2. Be active
3. Take notice
4. Keep learning
5. Give

Michael Brown - Sexuality & Intimacy I - Manipulation for the Orgasm

Random Peanut post

I don't mind where you come from
as long as you come to me.

I don't like illusions
I can't see them clearly.

I don't care,
no I wouldn't dare
to fix the twist in you.

You'll show me eventually what you do,
and I'll take you for who you are,
if you take me for everything.

The path

I emerge from the tunnel
A long road, that I chose
A dark, confined space
where movement is imposed
by the heavy traffic flow

A stream of lights
and I want to believe the path is right

yet resistance creates noise
an energy that screams, silently
that resonates, continuously
until I listen and connect

Full Impact!
I hear it

Sparks fly
I can see again

I choose the path

Surviving childhood - no I didn't write this but its too good not to share!

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE

1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. WHY?

Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Play stations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and th e worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes..

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem=2 0solvers and inventors ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
If YOU are one of them? CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were .

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this..
For the rest of us....pass this on.

Telepathy .. the way of the future?

Would be great if I could see thought, if it had a color, a texture that hung over our head like pig-pens cloud.

We use a combination of some 500 facial muscles to show what we are feeling and thinking. Sometimes these expressions last nano seconds, and say it all.

I've started to pay more attention, 'cuz telepathy is an option that will take a lot longer


The only behaviour that can't be faked is authenticity....that's a big relief!

BE one with mind and body

I just returned from a 24 hour retreat with a bunch of high flying corporate's.

My job was to get them to concentrate on a certain number of critical issues
in order to come away with a 12 month strategy that they all buy into and support.
After setting the ground rule: NO crackberries or other techo paraphanalia
the second task had to do with their presence.
Which meant they needed to BE with me - both mentally AND physically.
For them that meant having their eyes and ears open.
...Definitely not enough

90 minutes later we'd gone through 3 exercices that worked on their connection with their body,.
Their being in their body.
Feeling in their body.


Initally the silence was deafening, through discussion and feedback the learning witnessed was heartening.
Only once the awareness had been raised with regard to their body and the connection between their body and mind states were we able to achieve quantom mental presence.

The rest of the work was a piece of cake!

Pump up the volume?

Wow its been a year since I shared my thoughts on this blog.

I guess I've been spending too much time sharing them in the real world and now it's time to get virtual.

How did that Grease song go again?
Let's get virtual, let's get into to virtual, let me hear your body talk....no, no, that doesn't work. So if I'm going virtual will that mean we can hear our spirit talk? Now there's a thought I like.

I've spent ALOT of time coaching people of the past year.
Lots of people are interested in working through their stuff, all sorts of baggage that they carry around that weighs heavy on their hearts and minds.
Fascinating! wonders never cease to amaze the mental hoops, loops, pirouettes and pinholes that people put themselves through when they are totally wrapped up in the mind.

Unfortunate that all this thinking doesn't burn more calories - no maybe on second thought its better this way, some people would completely disappear.

So I listen about the past and the future and the anxiety and the fear and it goes on until I ask what it feels like to focus on the present and connect with it .

Yah, how it feels; warm, pink, comfortable, scary, , lime green, fluffy, big, blury, sharp...what kinds of words, colors or sensations describe it.
IT being the present.

Its easier to connect if you close your eyes and turn OFF the volume in your brain.
Let's concentrate on the present.

Being present in the present.......Now there's a plan.

Attempting communication clarity

We are social beasts, we interact with others at work, play, home, with our colleagues, family, extended family and friends. Sometimes we think we are on the same "wave length" with someone and it's really a great feeling. This feeling drives us to exchange about more topics of interest and in the heat of it all, sometimes in a flash of a nanosecond, it all falls apart. Suddenly that feeling of connectedness is replaced by a weird feeling inside and I wonder whether or not there has been a misunderstanding. A bit of information that got lost in translation, a statement that comes out of left field, a judgment call that seems out of place – there are a multitude of possibilities for a communication meltdown.

Once I realize the misunderstanding has come about and acknowledge it (already a quantum leap!), I have a number of strategies to choose from.
1. Rephrase and explain my point of view (pov) and/or ask for clarification from the other person concerning their pov;
2. Avoid the discussion and hope it will go away;
3. Blame the other person and scratch them off your dance card forever.

In the past month I overheard two conversations (at the hairdresser's and in the steam bath) of girlfriends discussing their own misunderstandings and opting for strategy 3. In one situation a women admitted having cut herself off from all communication with her brother, while her girlfriend related a story of having cut all contact off with her sister.

Upon hearing this exchange little voices screamed through my skull Oh my god! Oh my god! Here I sit over 6'000km from my one sister - I cherish every conversation we have, even when we don't agree, so it's difficult, no impossible to consider let alone imagine, cutting myself off from that rich exchange.

As for strategy number 2, my ex-husband and ex-business partner were adepts at practicing the art of avoiding - probably because their culture has drummed into their brains that misunderstandings can lead to disagreeing which can lead to arguing and arguing is a BAD thing and should be avoided at ALL cost.

My cultural references are rooted in my growing up in a matriarchal Quebeçoise society, with parents who raised me to believe that I could do anything I set my mind to. This is a quantum leap from the Swiss patriarchal culture that I sit in while bringing up my children. These lovely girls have been told by their school teachers over the years that they have too much character - which I now understand means, voicing an opinion! So, if my discussion partner is not willing/able to voice his/her opinion a seemingly small misunderstanding causes the entire jug to overflow. A flow of ALL their pent up stuff that has gone unsaid, for way too many years, comes belching out of them - ‘cuz the feelings that the initial misunderstanding caused have had time to grow into all sorts of strange things if they remain unsaid.
So I listen, and apologize if and when necessary.

The key here is that in order to move on once it's all out in the open is to forgive and forget....sometimes easier said than done. Some people have resentment issues that they need to work through ....hopefully before dying :-)!

Life, non violent communication and active listening training, a bunch of people that I really irritate on regular occasions and some excellent facilitation techniques have brought me to the conclusion that option 1 is the one that works for me.

That means when in doubt, when that funny feeling starts to grow in my gut - Rephrase the glitch and ask for confirmation and clarity.

It can be scary, especially when it gets personal, but I want to keep my ears open and listen so that I can have a better chance of understanding the people that I am blessed to have around me.

For love or money?

Why is it that women do most if not all of the cooking for their lovers, husbands, partners, friends, children and family yet 95% of restaurants have "chef's" that are men.
Women cook for love ...and men cook for money?

So ladies if your going out for dinner tonight, chances are a man will be making your meal and paying for your meal :-)
...Yowza! Think of all the energy you'll have for after dinner.

If he's doing the cooking' at home, it's to please you....... 'cuz it's always about love.

Happy St.Valentine's day