Let the change BEgin!

Day 4 of a 10 day course on Leadership – or on How to come into BEing your authentic self, step up as a person, BE a Human BEing. Collectively and individually daring to lift off the lid, look inside, ponder, practice, feel, learn, observe, integrate over and over again. Iteration brings a new appreciation of our ever more awakened self. The group offers the lens of collective perception; peer to peer feedback is an effective means to see ourselves from different angles, a prism providing insight and pushing us to open ourselves.

Starlog – To date, 32 hours of wondering through a labyrinth, daring to jump through flaming hoops, gazing into the petri dish of life and undressing our emotional self in this new age nudist camp - are some of the metaphors that spring to mind to explain the theoretical and practical activities and exercises over the past 4 days - Experiential learning at its finest. So far I have chosen my animal totem…or it has chosen me. I represent Vitality, I read that I have laid the foundation to greatness, all preliminary work is complete, it’s all going to happen, I will reap the harvest. I can sit back, BE confident.

Second personal sound bite of the day, wonder struck, I realize after completing one of the cringe worthy exercises, that one of my core values is change, I need it, in everything.
I’m surprised!?... Why? This is what I do for a living?
Because, repeatedly I witness each one of us experiencing our “Ah-ha” moment, when a chunk of wisdom materializes and offers guidance with astounding clarity around our uniqueness, illuminating our mind and empowering our potential to BE. So astounding is this revelation to self, it may be blinding. Our inability to see and accept the insight is our blind spot to greater personal awareness and leadership. Is it a question of timing? A hearing disability? While we profess to hear that which is being suggested, we are completely convinced of our own idea of self, the taste and smell of these new ideas seem too foreign, they shake up the order of things, so instead of embracing and opening a space to the new, we resist, over rationalize, deny, waffle or ignore… and the insight blows right by.

What are the conditions that enable our ability to learn - when it comes to seeing ourselves? Time and again I hear people say they are willing and able. I think of the saying – You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink – Why do we resist quenching our thirst? We squirm when we hear truth, deny, make excuses, wriggle a little more, rationalize, and refuse to integrate newness. Yet we know that we suffer from the consequences of the behavior that creates the circle of repeated choices that brought us here in the first place. Oozy, creepy, queasy, sticky, fluttery weirdness displayed in Nano body language signals- eyes averted, fluttering lids, head nodding in the opposite direction of the words being spoken, sighs, dry mouth sounds, long pauses, creased foreheads and way to many deep breaths.

So we go through another exercise and another and the issues being avoided keep coming up in a variety of shapes and shades, iteration until we face them, until we create the space to embrace them, only then can we begin to learn. Only then will our layers of coping behaviors fall away like velvet rose petals, with delicate discernment. Let the change begin!  

I look forward to Six more thoroughly challenging days with my fellow groupies and guides.

Nadene Canning        https://twitter.com/#!/Madnadness

Elation and anxiety

I've been very quiet for a long while, Zilch, neit, le néant... so it would seem.
I've been very busy all the same, writing, to communicate stories about projects that nurture, support and create social, political and economic change, capture successes and foster learning.
The lion share of time I devoted to write a book that a publisher patiently awaited.

I stopped counting the hours devoted to thinking, writing, rereading, rewriting in the quest for clarity. Clarity for the reader about ideas and practice - sharing experience will facilitate adoption, multiply know and create change. That's my theory, I've seen change happen, its expands space and time. That magic was what maintained my motivation to finish the book. I've seen it stall many times too - for lack of conviction, time, courage, desire, discipline.
Creating change is not always easy it can rub the wrong way, especially if its trying to replace a habit that's entrenched in a mindset....mindset is one of the keys.

Yesterday the publisher received the final manuscript, all ideas and practice represented by 150000 signs will be packaged into a book that will see the light of day this summer...elation and anxiety. I can live with the dichotomy, its actually become a relatively familiar fluttery state, that has the merit of keeping me from slipping into cruise control.

Ayez du nez dans la négociation - n'ayez pas peur!

Arrivée en Suisse je me suis trouvée un travail au bout de trois mois dans une PME. D’après ce que je connaissais au Canada le salaire qui m’a été proposé ici me paraissait colossal. Environs une année après mon engagement, une de mes collègues m’a informé, avec un certain mépris que la seule raison pour laquelle je fus engagée était parce que je coûtais moins cher à l’entreprise que les autres prétendants au poste.

Rapidement j’ai décidé qu’il fallait mettre en place une stratégie pour rectifier la situation :

Munis de mon carnet, je notais chaque fois que j’apportais une contribution financière à l’entreprise au dessous des objectifs fixés. Par exemple ;
Dès que je trouvais des solutions pour réduire les coûts liés à la production et au frais fixes je le notais.
Dans la même optique, chaque fois que j’apportais une nouvelle idée/initiative que je menais à terme, elle se retrouvait inscrite dans mes papiers.
Que je démontrais une augmentation de recettes et de bénéfices liée aux stratégies de performance mis en place avec mon équipe, je le notais.

Pendant les 5 ans qui ont suivis, j’ai été promue trois fois et j’ai réussit à renégocier une augmentation de mon salaire, à chaque fois. La négociation dont j’étais la plus fière est celle d’avoir réussi à mettre en place un bonus pour les membres de mon équipe, en fonction de leurs performances.

A la fin de mon engagement j’étais responsable du développement et de l’acquisition mondiale pour plus de 1'000 ouvrages et produits dérivés – j’ai pu tester de multiples stratégies pour peaufiner la négociation !

Dans mon rôle de consultante, ainsi qu’avec mon engagement en tant que Directrice exécutif au Bureau Information Femmes et fondatrice de VIA2, j’ai souvent été sollicitée pour apporter des conseils liés aux stratégies de croissance et planification de carrière. Inévitablement une fois les objectifs mis en place et la stratégie élaborée, la discussion se concentrait sur le « comment ». Comment le mener à bien ?. . . . Ainsi commence l’art de la négociation.

Quelques règles et pistes à suivre concernant la négociation salariale :
- Renseignez vous auprès de l’association professionnelle qui représente votre corps de métier, des syndicats ou des différents sites internet pour disposer d’information pertinente concernant les barèmes salariaux applicables dans votre domaine.
- N’ayez pas d’état d’âme, soyez lucide face à vos compétences, vos accomplissements, votre savoir-faire et les faire-valoir.
- Parlez clairement, avec calme et assurance de ce que vous désirez.
- Regardez votre interlocuteur droit dans les yeux (si la culture le permet*).
- Préparez votre discours (vos accomplissements, rapportez les faits) et entrainez vous devant un miroir, sur vidéo ou avec une tierce personne.
- Ayez de la persévérance et une bonne disposition d’esprit afin de faire aboutir la négociation.
- Fixez des dates d’échéance pour atteindre vos objectifs tout en restant ouvert à saisir les occasions.
- Restez visible, soyez présent au bureau, lors des réunions prenez la parole, serrez les mains et discutez avec vos paires lors de rencontres professionnelles.
- Trouvez un mentor qui a du pouvoir (pouvoir = position, influence, réseaux).
- Cultivez des alliés dans votre entourage (entreprises, clients et fournisseurs).
- Vos adversaires sont une ressource, savoir se mettre à la place de l’autre est essentiel.

Rappelez-vous que notre comportement et influencé par l’environnement et le contexte dans lequel vous vous trouvez. Ce sont ces deux facteurs qui rendent chaque situation unique.
Vous pouvez agir dans la négociation pour faire valoir vos idées, vos envies, vos besoins et vos conditions. Il est illusoire de penser que tout est maîtrisable dans la négociation. Elle consiste avant tout en un débat, un échange et un processus en soi qui mène à une solution. Solution qui doit satisfaire chaque parti.

You're gonna loose that girl

On the road last night and the mobile rings

“What” I say surprised “He did what?”

My girlfriend has just arrived home and unfortunately she was running a little behind schedule.

A quarter of an hour, to be exact.

She rings because she’s scared. She knows I know why, and that’s why she can ring me.

It's about one of those sticky, ugly family issues that causes long-term damage.

That quarter of an hour, made her "late".

This time, its time that is the issue that needs to be controlled.

She has just had a verbal thrashing, something that she is accustomed to and has survived by building and rebuilding emotional walls to shut out the pain and the growing sense of humiliation. Except this time it’s different, this time she sensed the thrashing almost crossed the ever so thin line from verbal abuse to physical abuse.

She’s in her room , whispering …a desperate whimper and I can only catch every other word since I’m driving at 7pm on a very busy motorway with 2 people in the car…Must leave, can’t stay, too scared, no more.

Since my extra set of emergency house keys have gone walkabout, I tell her to visit a friend and promise I’ll pick her up in 3 hours on my way home. My voice is full of assurances to give her the courage to do what she feels compelled to do, ESCAPE. She sneaks out of the house to find temporary relief from the violence.

I hang up the phone and realise that there is a heavy silence in the car. Not quite what I’d planned, but hey this is part of life too and it’s happening right here and now …nobody would plan this anyway, its part of all the unpredictable real live stuff that happens daily all over the world when people interact and fear and power overtake our emotions.

Dinner with friends is so warm, friendly and fun. Lots of laughs, one of our best mates is leaving this week for 8 months around the world. He’s pulling the plug on “civilized” Switzerland to get some other sort of living experience in India, Nepal, Burma, Thailand and Argentina.

Teary happy good-bye hugs and Skype promises and I’m again behind the wheel driving back.

Now my two passengers are boosted by the loving kindness we experienced over dinner and actively begin planning the rest of the evening’s actions far beyond the distressed friend’s pick-up. They project into the relationship, what’s right, what’s wrong and on and on and on.

We are all in the car now, we drive for a bit but there’s too much fear swirling about inside the car. I pull over and we sit, roll down the windows to admire the reflection of the lights of church spire on the cloudy sky, smoke and talk.

Mobile phone rings and I listen to Mr VerbalAbuse express with increasing volume how much he does not appreciate my getting involved.

No shit Sherlock, the cats out of the bag – your turn to squirm.

Hang up, smoke some more and let time work its magic.

30 minutes go by and I get my first giggle.

We all know that something has changed forever tonight.

You’re gonna loose that girl drifts into my brains boombox.

Nic Marks: The Happy Planet Index | Video on TED.com

Nic Marks: The Happy Planet Index | Video on TED.com

FIVE things that boost our well-being

1. Connect
2. Be active
3. Take notice
4. Keep learning
5. Give

Michael Brown - Sexuality & Intimacy I - Manipulation for the Orgasm

Random Peanut post

I don't mind where you come from
as long as you come to me.

I don't like illusions
I can't see them clearly.

I don't care,
no I wouldn't dare
to fix the twist in you.

You'll show me eventually what you do,
and I'll take you for who you are,
if you take me for everything.